“But Miss, What If I Need the Toilet?” The School Lie That’s Crippling Your Workforce
You’ve seen it.
You’re in a meeting. Or perhaps you’re managing a new recruit on their first week. You notice they haven’t taken a break in four hours. They look flushed, fidgety, and distracted.
When you finally ask, “Do you need a break? A coffee? The loo?” they look at you with genuine shock.
“Oh! No, I’m fine. I didn’t want to interrupt.”
Or worse, they ask: “Is that okay? Can I just nip out for two minutes?”
You might think they are just eager to impress. Or perhaps a bit timid.
But for many of today’s school leavers, this isn’t politeness. It is a deeply ingrained survival reflex. They have been taught, for 14 years, that their basic bodily autonomy is secondary to compliance.
And the reason why is absolutely baffling.
The Lie of “Preparation”
Let me tell you about Bella.
Bella was 16, bright, and attending a standard secondary school in the Leeds area. During a mentoring session, she asked me a question that stopped me cold.
“Laura, can I ask you something? When you’re in the world of work… what happens if you need the toilet?”
I assumed she was joking. “Bella, you just go to the toilet.”
She looked genuinely horrified. “What do you mean, I just go?”
“Yes,” I said. “You tell your team you’re nipping out, or you just lock your screen and go. At most, you divert your calls to a colleague's line.”
She was stunned. “But the teachers say we can’t. They say in the real world you can’t just leave your desk. They say this is preparing us for work.”
Then she told me the reality of her school.
During lessons, the toilets are locked. There are actually bars on the doors.
It is rare for me to be rendered speechless. I have heard countless stories of strict schools, of behaviour points, of isolation units. But this? Physically barring children from accessing a bathroom and calling it “work preparation”?
This one did it for me.
And here is the terrifying part: Bella’s school is by no means rare. This is happening in standard secondary schools across Leeds and the wider UK right now.
Let that sink in.
An institution is physically locking children in a room, denying them access to a bathroom, and justifying it by claiming it mimics the “real world of work.”
This isn’t preparation. It is a lie.
In the 30-odd years I have been working—from a bartender in the student union, to a lifeguard, to youth work, teacher, trauma-informed education consultant, and keynote speaker—the only time I haven’t had bodily autonomy was… when I was working full-time in a school.
Think about that. In a bar, where I was responsible for cash and intoxicated customers, I could go to the loo. As a lifeguard, responsible for human lives, I could take a break (following protocols so everyone was still safe). In youth work, with all its unpredictability, I had autonomy.
Only in the school system was I treated like a child who couldn’t be trusted to manage my own body.
But Bella doesn’t know that yet. Because for 12 years, she has been conditioned to believe that asking for a basic human need is an act of rebellion. And she sits in her lessons terrified that she will need the toilet or get her period and bleed through her trousers (doubtless, you have seen those news stories too).
The Physical Cost of Compliance
When you tell a child, “You can’t go to the toilet until the bell rings,” you aren’t teaching them resilience. You are teaching them learned helplessness.
You are teaching them that:
Their body’s signals are irrelevant compared to the rules.
Authority figures have total control over their physical comfort.
Asking for what they need is risky and might result in punishment (or a “behaviour point”).
Now, fast forward just three short years. Bella is sitting in your office.
She is dehydrated. She is uncomfortable. She is staring at her screen, unable to focus, because she is terrified that leaving her desk without explicit written permission will get her in trouble. She doesn't know how to check what the rules are now.
She isn’t “dedicated” (though I am sure she also is!). She is traumatised.
She is waiting for a bell that isn’t going to ring. She is waiting for a teacher who isn’t there. She is operating under a set of rules that do not exist in your company, but feel more real to her than your employee handbook.
The Solution: Reveal the Conditioning (The ‘R’ in B.R.A.V.E.)
You cannot expect them to just “know” that the rules have changed. Why would they? The last 5,000 days of their life said otherwise.
This is where the B.R.A.V.E. Framework step Reveal the Conditioning is critical.
You have to explicitly name the lie. You have to be the one to tell them that the game has changed.
Try this script in your next team catch-up:
“I want to clear something up. You might have come from a school where you needed permission to take a break or use the loo. I want you to know that here, the rules are different. You are an adult. You know your body. If you need a break, take it. If you need to step away, just let us know. You don’t need my permission to be human.”
Watch their shoulders drop. Watch the tension leave their face.
You are giving them back their autonomy. You are telling them: You are safe here. You are trusted here.
The One-Person Challenge
This week, look at your junior staff. Watch who hasn’t moved from their chair in three hours.
Don’t just say “Take a break.” That’s still an instruction.I nstead, try this: “I’m going to grab a coffee/water. Come with me? I’d love to hear what you’re working on.”
Model the behaviour. Show them that leaving the desk isn’t a crime; it’s part of a healthy, productive workflow.
Your Challenge:
Identify one person who seems “glued” to their desk. Have a 2-minute conversation explicitly giving them permission to ignore the rules they learned at school. Tell them: “In this office, you are the boss of your own break time.”
Want to Go Deeper?
The “Toilet Rule” is just one example of the hidden curriculum that is crippling your workforce’s confidence. In my keynote, “Washing Off the Grey,” I dive deep into the specific school policies that create workplace anxiety—and exactly how leaders can undo them.
If you are ready to help your team drop the mask and work with confidence, let’s talk.
👉 Download my Speaker Sheet
Be the rain. Wash off the grey.
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